Strolling

This post is dreadfully late. I'm so sorry! Better late than never, right?

About three weeks ago I returned from church camp, which you know is one of my favorite weeks of the year. Some years I see, feel, and hear clearly the lessons God is teaching me; some years it takes a while for it to sink in. This year it took some time, but this week I finally began understand my Jesus Walk Lesson.

            For the last five years our camp has done a night-time walk with a spiritual focus. We call it the Jesus Walk. For the first two years it took place on a bike path circling a lake (the same path we use for the “PDA Hike”), the third year was on a new path,  and the last two years we’ve kept the Jesus Walk confined to our campground utilizing a part of camp and a path we don’t regularly use during the week.

            This year’s Jesus Walk went well.  Jesus and I had a nice moment and a long chat, and we ended the night with some incredible worship. But I didn’t feel like I had learned my Big Lesson. (See my blog post “Change of Plans” for more information.) That came on Friday of camp, but I didn’t figure it out til last week. Let me rewind.

            Each year we take a “Stroll Around the Lake” in the state park, but not on our camp site. It is unofficially nicknamed the “PDA Hike” because camp couples tend to walk together and the adults pretend to look the other way if they hold hands. It’s really nothing, just a relaxed evening walk. This year we had storms on Wednesday and were treated to some brilliant lightning displays right before the stroll.  So we canceled it, loaded up the busses, and headed back to camp. When the rain never came, we took an optional Stroll within camp (the same path as this year’s Jesus Walk). I walked with different groups of teens, and one sweet girl asked if I was ok, because she knows I sometimes struggle with loneliness on this particular walk. I told her I was ok, and I was. But ten minutes later I was walking along, with just my flashlight for company, and the familiar pangs began. I tried to distract myself, and found a group to walk and talk with, and was fine.

            Now fast forward to Friday night. As some of the oldest campers, the girls in my cabin stayed up late helping pack up camp and were hanging out, supervised, up where we’d done the Jesus Walk and the Stroll.  I went to go find them and check on them, armed with my flashlight. After hanging out with them all for a while, I headed back to the cabin to check my sugar. So once again, I was walking alone late at night down that path in the camp, but this time without my flashlight, which I  had handed to one of the teens never to see it again. (Or so I thought. They returned it later.) You would think I’d be bummed out or at least creeped out, but this time I was fine, strangely. I knew about where I was, how long it would take me to get to the cabin, who was behind me, and what lay before me. So I was good. And I didn’t think another thing of it. Til last week.

            Last week I was jamming out in my car to “Never Once.” The chorus goes, “Never once did we ever walk along/never once did you leave us on our own/ you are faithful, God you are faithful….. Every step we are breathing in your grace/ ever more we’ll be breathing out your praise…”  And it hit me. Both times at camp, I was surrounded. By the campers and staff behind me, and the God who walked with me and in front of me. On Friday I was aware of it, while on Wednesday I was too caught up by my physical alone-ness to notice that I’m never alone. On Wednesday I muddled through trail, but on Friday I walked confidently, hearing my surroundings and with the Light inside me instead of in my hand (flashlight).

            That happens a lot to me in life, too. My hope for the new school is that I walk as I did on Friday, confident that I’m not alone, and sure that I’ll reach my destination,  even though it’s dark and hard to see. Basically, that I’ll trust the One who walks with me to get me safely through the darkness.

Unexpected

the house we painted :)

 July 1, 2014

        

          Last week I was on a youth trip to a mission/work camp, where we painted houses, hung out, and worshipped together. It was really cool to get to know some of the kids I didn’t know as well, and hang out with the ones I do know well. I had never been on this particular trip before, and didn’t know exactly what to expect. I did know that I would be responsible for keeping an eye on our teens at the camp, and would be assigned to a work crew with other adults and several teens, to repaint a house in four days, but I didn’t expect what ended up happening.

          I’ve had Type 1 diabetes since childhood, and most of the time my blood sugars are pretty under control for the most part. Last week was not normal, though, and they didn’t behave. I was low or lower-than-I-like for most of the week. It was frustrating for me because I felt like I couldn’t be as effective of a leader since I was having to deal with my sugars so much. But here’s where the surprise comes in: those sweet teens rallied around me, checking on me and making sure my sugars were coming up, etc. One of them appointed herself my keeper, and stayed on me about it, not letting me downplay the problems as I usually do. (There are a couple girls who already do this, they were on a different work crew so they weren’t with me all the time.)

Part of my crew  working with some kids from another crew

         

During our “emo devo” one night, that sweet girl came over to me in tears, telling me how much she looked up to me and how she thought I was a wonderful leader, etc. Wow. I felt like I did all week was harp on my team about the work and deal with my sugars. But I guess Jesus was at work though it all. I have no idea what I did, but He turned it into a beautiful experience. Then after we got this weekend, I got the sweetest text from her, telling me that I am someone who has impacted her. My favorite part is this: “I love how you let Jesus work through you and how [you’re] also the hands and feet of him. You touch the [lives] of so many people around you”. She then went on to encourage me about a struggle I thought I’d only mentioned once in passing.

          It was so cool, because I know Jesus had prompted her to say it. It was just what I needed to hear that day. Man. He is so awesome! Others have given me similar encouragement (about this struggle) before, but this was special. Out of the blue, a 14 year old who I hadn’t known very well before last week sent me a text with the exact words I needed to hear? That’s God. I went on that trip to help out and bless the kids, and I ended up being blessed beyond measure.  I am so grateful to have been able to watch Him at work. There were so many other wonderful mini-lessons He taught me, too, but I’ll save those stories for another time.

         

The beautiful sunset we were treated to 

Summer is a really busy time, and it’s hard to carve time out to write. Maybe even harder is finding time to stop and think about things to write about. But I’m going to try to do better. Maybe I’ll carry my idea notebook with me at all times so I can jot down every little crazy thought I have. J Even if I don’t get it all written down, I’m resolved to notice more, and not let the beautiful moments of life slip by without thanking the Creator for them. I sincerely hope you are similarly blessed this week. To Him be the glory!

The Spontaneity Project

        Last week, I was invited to participate in a surprise for a dear girl's 18th birthday. Her sweet best friend was organizing a video shoot for a video set to "Celebration." After some major logistics stressing (How to get everyone from church without tipping off the birthday girl, and ensuring we had enough seat belts), we were underway. The "director" had gathered large cut-out letters spelling the birthday girl's name, a giant 1 and 8, 18 blank posters to create "18 Reasons to Celebrate You",  14 teenagers, and me. The plan was fairly simple - use the signs, one at a time, to show her why we all love her, while general craziness and shenanigans commenced in the background. (So business as usual.) Our "director" planned to make a DVD with the video and give it to the birthday girl as her present. Ok. Sounds good. I can handle that. There was not really a set time to be done, but I figured I could run a few errands after and still get home to cook dinner. Not so much, but it proved to be so worth it.

Hanging out while the others filmed

 Pretty quickly, the plan began to change. We needed to include the birthday girl in our fun once the surprise video was done. After all, what is the point of having basically a party (because that's what happens when these guys all get together) for the birthday girl without her? It would be more fun to be with her! So a new plan began to take place: finish the video quickly, bake cupcakes, and go over to her house to surprise her. But it wasn't that easy to create and enact the plan. Grocery runs had to be made, the camera had to be charged, and other logistics had to be worked out. It was quite the exercise in spontaneity for me! And you know, I am not very spontaneous. :)

Another challenge for me is knowing when to just hang out and be one of the group and when to do the things I see that need doing. Not a new problem for me, but a little worse since I am technically an adult, and therefore feel like I should act like one occasionally. But I decided to just let the "director" be in charge, and do what I was asked/told, and offer my opinion when asked. When the camera needed to charge and we needed to bake cupcakes, I volunteered to help. When the camera was ready before the cupcakes were and someone needed to stay in and finish the baking, I agreed to stay. It really wasn't a big deal. Then I guess my normal instincts kicked in, because next thing I know I'm washing dishes and cleaning up our baking mess. (Hey, it needed to be done!) At some point, the others came back inside, and caught me cleaning while waiting on the cupcakes. It wasn't like I could have gone outside with them right then but they fussed at me anyway, telling me I didn't have to wash the dishes, etc. Then one of them threw Jesus's words to Martha at me. It was so funny, because I'm so Martha. But it is insanely difficult to walk away when things need to be done. And I wasn't telling any of them to help me, like Martha did to Mary. But it was sweet anyway. So I set my baking aside, went out and danced around with my sign, and had a great time.

Filming

       After we finished the video, we iced the cupcakes, packed up and headed over to the birthday girl's house. It worked like a charm - she was so surprised. Her family had helped orchestrate the reveal, and it was really cool to be a part of. Since I struggle with being spontaneous, and that's basically all yesterday was, it was not the easiest balancing act of my life. But being an adult is all about doing the difficult things, right? Like jumping around the backyard dancing like a fool, hiding behind the shrubs to jump out and shout "Surprise!" and eating cupcakes. It's hard work, but someone has to do it. :)

Some of the group

       And it was well worth it. Memories were made, people were blessed, and it was a lot of fun! I really loved getting to be a part of a special birthday memory for her. And I wasn't the only one who had to be spontaneous. The others had plans and commitments they had to change as well. But to my knowledge, they didn't think a thing about it. Because that's what friendship does. It gives up time and sleep to make someone's day. So even though I'm supposed to be the "adult" they taught me a thing or two. And who knows? I may have to become more spontaneous as a rule. I'll put it on my to-do list.

Long Time, No Write

February 18, 2014

          I realize it's been a really long time since I posted a blog. 3 months is too long! The problem is, my whole point for this blog is to slow down and notice the important things in life. I haven't been doing that. At least not long enough to finish a complete thought. Several times over the last 3 months, I'll think, "Ooh. What a great thought! I should write that down!" But do I? Nope. Then, I may actually have a few minutes to write, but have nothing to say because I've been to busy!

          Ironically, it was at a youth conference (Winterfest) last weekend that I realized my problem. I didn't have any more time than usual that weekend. Well, ok, yes I did, but mostly because I slept a lot less (8 hours total over the weekend - am I crazy?) but that's beside the point. No, I think it's becauseI got just far enough away and off my normal routine that I had time to think. And probably the Holy Spirit's nudging. I realized something on that trip: I wasn't just neglecting my blog. There are several things I'd allowed myself to be "too busy for" including quality quiet time. And I've know this, somehow this weekend the pieces clicked together.

          And I realized: a lot of the time my blog posts are the result of quiet time. Once I actually stop long enough to think and process life, not just today and tomorrow's problems, the wheels start turning and won't stop. I kept thinking, "I should blog. But no, I need quiet time more. I need to find time for that first!" But then I didn't do either. Now I realize the two are connected. Just like becoming a better person/getting your life together and getting closer to Jesus. You don't do one first. They happen together.

       So I'm sorry. I'm sorry I have let myself get so caught up in the busyness that I ignore my own advice. I don't dare promise that I will get it all together, but I will try. If we keep waiting to take the first step, we go nowhere.

The Thanksgiving Blog

          Well friends, it is Thanksgiving. We have so much to be thankful for. I've enjoyed watching my friends' daily posts on Facebook of things they are thankful for. It's a great practice, and it's fun to share and see what other people notice in their lives. I didn't opt to participate in the Facebook thankfulness practice this year, because I knew I couldn't commit to posting every day. So, today I am going to jot down a few thoughts. Thank you for reading my blog, and letting me share my mind. :)

        I am thankful for:

• Jesus. Without Him, nothing in this life means anything. I am so grateful for His love and sacrifice.
• My family. I have one of the greatest families ever. Period. They rock. 
• My church family. No where else could I walk in harried and frustrated on Sunday mornings and be surrounded by people who love me, offer me a smile and a "Hey! Jb!" that just makes my day. I love my church family so much.  
• My friends. With such a great church family, it is no surprise that most of my close friends have entered my life through church. I have such a wide, diverse net of truly great women that I call friends. Young, not as young, married, single, with kids, or without, I have some marvelous friends. I love you all so much! Thank you for walking life with me, supporting me when I need it, and putting up with my quirks. 
• My health. I have been blessed to be healthy, even with Type 1 Diabetes tagging along for the ride for over 20 years. 
• My new insulin pump. I got a new pump this year, and just being able to get it was such a testament to God's goodness. I mean, really. Maybe one day I'll do a whole blog about that experience. 
• My jobs. I am so blessed to be able to do two things I love, and to be able to balance both jobs. Teaching dance gives me such joy and a great creative outlet. And substitute teaching lets me be blessed by so many different teachers and students each week. I only hope that I am able to be a blessing to them as well.
• A warm house. 
• My crock pot, and a wonderful sister/roommate who will start dinner in the crock pot, even though I often give her little directive and no recipe. To someone who doesn't like to cook, that is a big deal. Because of her and the crock pot, we are able to eat fairly well-balanced warm meals at a (mostly) decent hour after I get home from dance.
• Google Hangouts, which allow me to keep up with a sister who lives halfway around the world, as well as friends who are across town or away at college. I look forward to my Sunday hangouts with all of them. 
• The ability to read. I love reading, and can't imagine not having that opportunity. I'm also thankful for books like the Harry Potter, Hunger Games, and Divergent series that allow me to connect on a literary level with friends and students. 
• My car, Hazel. It has over 200,000 miles on it, but it still runs and gets me where I need to go. 
• My name! I just remembered this is my 1st Thanksgiving with my new name. I love honoring my grandmother by sharing her middle name, as well as embracing the uniqueness of my first name. 
• My girls. I am so blessed to be surrounded by a group of wonderful teen girls. I can't understand most days why they put up with me, but I love them so much. They encourage me and challenge me to be better and more Christlike each day. 
• The Green Bay Packers. I know it seems silly, but becoming a football fan has been so empowering. I know I make my family crazy, but I just love football. I can't believe I missed out on this the first twenty something years of my life! And being a Packers fan in a family of Titans fans has let me express some individuality that is really fun. Even when they lose, like today.

I could go on and on, but I have a yummy Thanksgiving Dinner to get to soon. :)

I hope you have a million things to be thankful for, and that you are able to enjoy some of those things and people today. Don't forget to give thanks to the One who blesses you with them! 

Happy Thanksgiving!!

My security

            A few friends and I have a recurring joke about me marrying a certain NFL quarterback. I don't remember where or when it started, but it has become an ongoing thing that we reference frequently. I don't take it seriously, but it is fun to joke about. Last week, this particular quarterback got injured during a game, and will miss several weeks of practice and games. A few days after his injury, I was talking to one of my friends about it, and how it will impact the team, which is our mutual favorite. We lamented about what  may happen to their offense with him sidelined and how bad he must feel having to sit out. Then my friend made a comment about how his injury will affect me, since I'm going to marry him, of course. :) She said, "Jennabeth, your future is at stake." due to the games he will miss. We decided he was probably getting paid even though he has to sit out a few weeks, and I added that even not counting his income from these games, he probably has plenty of money from his previous years in the NFL, plus his future income, since it was not a career ending injury. I replied to her, "Don't worry. My future is secure." We laughed about it and turned our conversation to weekend plans. 
         
            The next morning, driving to school, I randomly thought back on that conversation from the night before. And it hit me: even though that conversation was in jest, my statement was so true. My future is secure. God knows the ending of my story, and it ends with Him winning. Since I belong to Him, my future is a done deal - it will be fine. The more I thought about it, the truer and truer it became to me. God has called us to be His own, and He loves us as His little children. He has beaten death and is planning an awesome party for eternity in Heaven with Him. I for one, can't wait. It's going to be amazing!

             Even the rest of this human life will be ok. There will be bad days, for sure. And it will not always be "puppy dogs and sunshine" but our Father is in control. He will hold us tight through the hard times, and will never let us walk alone. So that future is secure, too, because I know He will always be with me.

This Is My Story

             I don’t consider myself to have a spectacular story. I had a pretty good childhood. I have two wonderful parents, three siblings that I (usually) got along with, was blessed to be raised in the Church, and never felt unloved, unwanted, or unsupported. And I am genuinely grateful for my beginnings. But I have often felt like it gives me a boring testimony. “I was a good kid, who made good grades and good choices, always loved Jesus, and went to church since the day I was born.” That is not an exciting story. In fact, I have often struggled when talking or reading about being changed by Jesus, because I don’t have a “Saul/Paul” story, or anything exciting like that. I have had trouble seeing the change that Jesus made in my life. I knew I was different than others – that is easy to see. But I never was able to point to that defining moment where my life changed course, because it didn't seem to change course.

            Then, this week I was talking at school to a teacher about her class. I had just subbed for her class for a half day, and was telling her about our afternoon. I mentioned that I hadn’t really had much trouble, just a few chatty kids who didn’t want to stop talking and listen to directions. She said that she does have a few who like to talk, but she can relate, because she, too, was a chatty kid. I smiled, and confessed, “I was a bossy kid.”  She looked surprised, and I said, “Yes. I was bossy and a little self righteous. I mean, I was a good kid, and did the right thing, but I made sure others knew they weren’t doing the right thing like me. And I’d judge them a bit.” She couldn’t believe that I had been like that as a kid. Without even thinking about it, I responded with, “Jesus changes a person.”

            Once the words were out of my mouth, I realized it was true. Jesus had changed me. It may not have been evident by looking at my report card or behavior records. But He did change me. It took time, and was not an overnight thing. I came to Jesus at eleven, right in time for tween and teen mood swings. But looking at ten year old me versus adult me, I see it. I know people may say, “That is just growing up.” And yes, to a point, it may be. But I know plenty of adults who still act and think the way I did at ten. It’s like my viewpoint is different now. I hope I am less judge-y, and I try to be more thoughtful, kinder, and less bossy. While I still try to be a “good girl” and do the right thing, my motivation is different. As a kid, I wanted to do the right thing so I wouldn’t disappoint my parents, and so I would be better than the other kids. There was a time I took pride in being called a goody two shoes. (And there was a time it made me cry.) Now, I want to show people what being a Christ follower is about, and making my Father look good and be happy.

            Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not perfect, and I don’t have it all figured out. But I was finally able to see the difference. Almost twenty years later. I just hope that in twenty more years, I can see an even bigger difference between 2013’s Me and 2033’s Me. Now that’ll be a story. J

"If you can hear me, and you are sitting still......"

          I had these big ideas of posting every other week, but guess what? It didn't happen. I did great for a while, then missed one Tuesday, thinking I'd make it up later in the week. But, I didn't, nor did I write one the next week to get back on track. Part of the problem is that something else always comes up that feels most important right then. Be it lesson plans, dishes, laundry, sleep, etc. Things have a way of feeling urgent, and we give in to that. And next thing we know, we're just busy, too busy for whatever it was we put off. In this case, this blog. One important task leads to another, to another, and another, until I'm just ...... busy.
     
 The irony, of course, is that the whole point of this blog is to stop for a minute and notice life. To escape the busy and the necessary and notice the important. I wonder how much of life slips by while I'm too busy or preoccupied to notice. This week especially, I'm really bad at being still. My car is currently having "episodes" where the engine will die if it's idle for too long at a traffic light, stop sign, in traffic, behind a school bus, etc. So I have been avoiding stopping completely and/or for very long. (Don't worry - I'm not running stop signs. Just praying really hard every time I stop at one.) And while, right now, that practice is necessary for my car's sake, in my real life it is not a good idea.
       
                      God has so much to show and tell us, but he can't if we're not still. We won't hear or see it unless we are quiet and un-busy. But being quiet and still is as hard for me as it is for a kindergartner! I need a grown up version of "123, all eyes on me" or a countdown from 10, with each number said quieter and quieter. Mostly I need to remember that when the Teacher is talking, I should be quiet and listen. But like so many kindergartners, I am too busy being "busy" to even register that the teacher is talking. I  really think that a lot of kids just don't notice that I've started talking.They're still carrying on their conversation, or doing whatever it is, completely oblivious to the fact that I am trying to get their attention. It is so frustrating!!!!
   
                I wonder if that's how God feels when He deals with me. Does He ever think, "Would she just stop for a minute and look at me?" Does it make Him as crazy? I bet it disappoints Him that I won't pay attention. It makes me wonder: What all am I missing? What great views, experiences, and conversations am I missing out on because I can't stop long enough to catch them? This week my goal is to keep my eyes open. Really open. And shut my mouth and still my hands as long as necessary to notice the things that are out there. And hopefully, once I do that, I will have lots of gems to blog about on here! :)

Off Day

I have discovered something that will not surprise you: I am bad at stopping. There, I admitted it. I am really terrible at not staying busy, and am completely lost without my to-do list. It is sad, really.

I had the day off yesterday, and had all these things that I needed to get done, but I didn’t make a to-do list. I didn’t want to be frantic, just very productive in a calm, relaxed way. But without my to-do list, I was like a kid who walks into Disney World with no one to guide them. I just looked around at the wonder that was my day, and did almost nothing with it. I had set my alarm for early enough but not too early, but when it went off I told myself, “You don’t really have to get up. There is nowhere you have to be today at any specific time.” So I went back to sleep for another hour. Then when I did get up, I ate breakfast, and sat on the couch, reading. I had no motivation, because I didn’t have my list dictating my next move. My day off had become an off day.

So that was my morning. Finally, near noon, I got it in gear and got ready for my day, ate lunch, and made a list. I know, I know…… You’re shaking your head that I made a list on my day off instead of enjoying my lazy day. But if I had continued with my lazy pattern, nothing would have gotten done, and I would have felt bad by bedtime. So I made a list. And my day went much smoother. I need to have things lined out for me, and planned out. Now, at one point, I did change my plan and came home for a nap to get rid of a headache. And when I woke up, I went back to my list and finished running my errands.

I guess today’s life lesson is this: Know yourself. If you are a spontaneous soul who is happy going where the wind blows you, then do that. And if you’re like me, and need a list to mark off, and guidance for your day, make your list. And don’t let yourself feel bad about. God made us all different, and guess what? He loves you just the way He made you. List and all. J

Stopped In My Tracks

           I got stopped for a funeral procession last week. I was driving along a major road, and noticed that all of a sudden traffic was stopped. I looked ahead to the traffic light, which was green, but then noticed a vehicle stopped in the middle of the intersection, between the two directions of traffic, with flashing green lights. I was a little puzzled at first, because I'd never seen the green flashing lights before.  I looked over to the other side and saw a long line of cars following behind a hearse. We were on the other side of a concrete median, so our side wasn't blocked off, but the cars on my side were at a stand-still as well.

            Admittedly my first thought was "Oh,man!" But then I lost the attitude as I remembered being in one of the cars following behind the hearse after my grandmother's funeral a few years ago. There were cars that didn't stop for us, and cut us off, and broke up our line of people. It was the very last thing we needed on that day, and it bothered me. Maybe it was a Northern thing that people didn't stop, or maybe they didn't know, or maybe they were being rude. It doesn't matter. What does matter is that it stuck with me. 

         I know there are probably many people who think that stopping for a funeral procession is an outdated practice. But I disagree. I think it helps us connect with humanity again. In the midst of our busy lives, I believe having to stop is a good thing. Especially having to stop so that others may go. I think it reminds us, at least it reminds me, that there are other people out in the world. And some of them are hurting. And if I can help in any one small way simply by stopping my car for a few minutes, then it's worth it. Because people matter, And though I may not know the people in those cars and I didn't may not have known the person that they miss, I respect that loss hurts. And I am sorry they have to go through that right now. So to the families in those cars that I saw last week: I pray that God will heal your hearts and comfort you. Because we all know that it stinks to be sitting in the cars in that line. And while the rest of us only stop for a few minutes for you, your pain continues for a long time after. So you are in my prayers. Whoever you are. 

With This Ring

           

       Like many women, I wear a ring on my left-hand ring finger. My ring is very special to me, and reminds me of a deep commitment. But unlike many other women who wear a ring, I am single.

        A few months after my 16^th birthday, I went with my dad to help pick out/try on a ring for my mom as an anniversary present. We found a small, simple gold ring with an amethyst (which is my birthstone, but Dad said Mom would love it) that fit me, so it would fit her, too, and was unlike any other rings she had. I was very surprised later when they both gave it to me as a purity ring.

            At first I was a little disappointed because I wanted a True Love Waits ring with the inscription, like other girls had, or a key necklace like some of my friends had, but I grew to love my unique purity ring. At first, that was all it was – a ring to remind me to stay pure.  Like many girls of my generation, I bought into the movement – wait til marriage, sign the pledge, wear the ring - It’s the right thing to do and is God-honoring. But we missed something. True Love Waits, but God’s love doesn’t. It doesn’t have to. I used my ring as a finger-warmer for many years, waiting until it was replaced with an engagement or wedding ring. (Side note – there is a great blog about this same type of thing called “I Don’t Wait Anymore” and can be found at gracefortheroad.com/2012/02/02/idontwait/). It feels like I all I did in my teens and early to mid-twenties is wait. And I don’t particularly like to wait.

            A few years ago, I began to wonder if I would ever get married, and what was the point of wearing a purity ring anymore, anyway? What was cool at 16 seemed lame and desperate at 26, plus after that many years, did I really need a ring on my finger to remind me to do what I believe is right? But I kept it on, partly because I couldn’t imagine not wearing anything on that finger. Then I realized something. I was wearing my ring for the wrong reasons, and after a good hard look at my heart, I changed my view about my ring. The whole idea of a purity ring is a reminder and a statement. The ring has not changed, but my purpose for wearing it has.

            I don’t wear it now to remind me what not to do, but to remind me that I am loved. It doesn’t make the statement of “I’m waiting” anymore, but “I’m taken,” because I am. I am God’s. He is the true love of my life. So I wear the ring, proudly, and love when people ask why I wear a ring if I’m not engaged or married. I used to answer, “It’s a purity ring,” but now I say, “It’s a promise ring,” and if they ask for clarification, I happily tell them Who I am promised to.

            So yes, 14 years later, the ring and I are still together. (Actually, right now it’s at the jewelers being repaired, so I am wearing a substitute ring.) And one day, I will take it off or move it to a different hand to make room for one with a diamond instead of an amethyst. Or I’ll wear the amethyst til I die, either way. Because I’m not waiting on true love anymore. I’ve found Him. 

First Things First

You ever notice how people are constantly advising you to start your morning right? Eat breakfast, drink the right coffee, call your mom, have your quiet time first thing, go running, etc. Now, some “1^st thing in the morning” advice is admittedly silly, and some is profoundly wise. But overall, it is true: we need to start our mornings wisely, because how we start the morning makes an impact on the rest of our day.      

               Take this morning, for example.  I was not thinking, and forgot to do my morning bolus insulin to cover my breakfast. I remembered about an hour later – oops! – and by then, my sugar had risen to about 350. Not good. I did a correction bolus, and, you would think that would be that. And in the afternoon or evening, that would have been it. I would have been good to go for the rest of the day. But, somehow, the body knows that mornings are the most important, and by committing that goof in the morning, it messed me up for most of the day. I have now spent the rest of the day checking my sugar more than usual, and treating the low bloodsugars that have followed my morning mistake. Stupid hurts. Literally –just ask my fingers L.

                But in all seriousness, take the advice. Get a good start to your morning. If you don’t, you will likely pay for it the rest of the day. So, whatever it is that you have trouble remembering or struggle fitting into your mornings – doesn’t matter what it is- do it first. Make it a priority. The day will go more smoothly when you do what you need to do to be at your 100% A-Plus first thing in the day. 

Option E - Not Enough Information

 This title was inspired by multiple-choice tests.
 It is the end of the school year, after all. J

Have you ever been in this situation: You think everything is going fine, and you are getting stuff done, answering questions, etc. Suddenly, someone tells you you’re doing it all wrong. Come to find out, you didn’t have all the information. They didn’t share that one pertinent piece of data that changes everything. And then they get upset at you for not doing it right. Has that ever happened? I hope it hasn’t, but chances are, it has. It happens to me on a regular basis. It is so frustrating. You do your very best, but when you are missing pieces, it is possible to get it all wrong, at no real fault of yours. It happens all the time, and never gets easier to deal with.

In life, we have to accept that we are never going to know it all. There will always be things that are mysteries. I don’t know what my life is going to look like in 10 years. I have to accept that. But I can make the best decisions possible now with what I do know.

What I find comforting about God is that even though He may not give me all the information right now, He will give me the information I need when I need it. (Isaiah 49:8, Ephesians 2:10, Hebrews 4:16) And, if I obediently follow Him, He will show me where to put my feet while I wait for the rest of the pieces. (Psalm 119:105) He has a plan, a good one, and He is determined for things to work out the right way. (Jeremiah 29:11, Romans 8:28) And He won’t be angry at me for making the best choices possible with my limited information. I will upset Him only by not obeying Him and deliberately taking a path other than the one He has told me to take.

So when people let you down, and get mad at you when you’ve done your best, just remember: You’re living for the One with a Perfect plan, a Perfect method, and Perfect timing, who is Love defined. Just listen to Him, make the best choice, love Him, and follow His directions. You’ll be ok. Actually, you’ll be better than ok. You’ll be His. J

"Mind" your own business

  This weekend I had the privilege of chaperoning a girls retreat for the 7th-12th grade girls at our church. It was a wonderful 2 days of hanging out, playing games, talking, bonding, and learning God's Word with and from them. Honestly, I took so much away from the conversations and lessons! I hope they did, too, since they were the target audience. I love how God teaches us things when we think we are teaching others. :)

The theme was God Girls - belonging to Him, heart, soul, body and mind. I got to speak, along with a dear friend, about the mind. We focused on how Satan tries to get into our minds and keep us from seeing things God's way, causing us to make decisions that do not honor God, and pull us farther from Him. One of the things we talked about were the lies he feeds us - we're not good enough, we're not smart enough, we're not pretty enough, etc, and how as girls/women we are really good at criticizing ourselves. We encouraged the girls to ignore those lies, push away negative thoughts, and focus on positives instead. But right after the talk, what did I do? Immediately began a play-by-play of the talk in my head, deciding what went wrong or didn't come out the way I wanted it to, and how it was so awful. I gave right into Satan and did what I just told the girls not to do! 

While I always want to do a good job, and do my best, I will never be able to be perfect. So why do I get upset at myself when I'm fall short of perfection? So what if the talk felt disjointed? So what if the words didn't come out perfectly. God is in control, and He can handle it. It's not about me. It's His message. And I know He was guiding at least some of my words, because I said some things I had planned not to say. (But that I realize now were important to say, because I needed to hear them as much as, if not more than the girls!) And as for the other stuff, oh well! As long as I do my best, He'll handle the rest. My goal is to just try not to get in His way. :)

The Playlist

I like organization. I like things to have a predetermined place and be arranged in an orderly fashion. One look at my color-coded closet or multi-file-foldered computer will confirm that. I know – you’re shocked. J Anyway, my need to have things sorted, ordered, and filed carries over to my music as well.  I love playlists. I have one for almost any occasion: Workout and Cleaning, Praise, Happy Fun Songs, Car Songs, Praise, Morning Wakeup, etc. I used to have one specifically for the kids I babysit to listen to in my car. No matter what mood I am in or activity I am engaged in, I have just the right mix of songs for it. Ok, hit “pause” and travel back in time with me to the 80’s and 90’s. We had our own old-school version of the playlist then. We called them Mix Tapes. Sometimes a mix tape was random, and sometimes it was categorical. Sometimes we’d make a mix tape for someone else with songs that were special to them or us, or reminded us of them.

          I am truly convinced that God has a Jennabeth playlist. He knows what songs will resound with me and plays them when I need them. It is so cool to hear a song that is just what I need right then, or sums up my feelings completely. Today, for instance, I was reading my online devo and it was talking about resting in God, and giving Him your focus. That hit home for me because I’ve been guilty of being too busy to spend enough quality time with Him lately. So as I am praying and repenting letting busyness get in the way (How “Martha” of me!), my Pandora station switches songs and here comes “Strangely Dim”, one of my new favorite songs by Francesca Battistelli. How perfect! Once again, God hits play on the playlist right in time to get my attention and remind me that He cares and He’s here. And it is awesome. I just need to slow down enough to notice.