Not Ready Yet

                I teach dance classes: ballet, jazz, tap, and acrobatics. I love all of them, but probably most surprising is how much I love teaching acrobatics.  I was not much of a tumbler as a kid, but I found that I could teach kids to tumble. I love watching the look on their face when they finally get a backbend by themselves, and then they read my face and look at my hands to make sure I truly wasn’t helping them. :)

                There are a few phrases I hear a lot in acro classes: “I can’t do it” (which I outlaw in my class), “Just be there,” (my favorite) and “I want to do it by myself.” The timid ones tend to use the first two phrases the most, and the fearless ones favor “by myself.” I love that those kids are confident in themselves, but sometimes they are just not ready. Yesterday I had to tell two different disappointed kids that they couldn’t do something by themselves yet. I hate the look in their eye when I say “no”. They usually look angry, then hurt, and sometimes will turn away from me so they won’t cry in front of anyone. I get it- they are disappointed and frustrated. But I would be a bad teacher if I allowed them to try something alone before they had the skills needed to do it safely.  

                It is never easy to hear “no” and to realize you aren’t ready for something. Waiting is hard and growing is painful. But both are necessary. Like almost any single 29 year old woman, my singleness is something I struggle with. I will think I am at peace, and then the enemy will sneak in and give me some reason to resent where my life is at the moment. I know it is unusual, but I decided a long time ago to wait on God’s timing. He has told me He has a plan for my life, and I can see it at work! I also truly believe He has a man picked out for me, but the time is not right yet. This is a deeply personal decision, but I believe God told me not to go looking yet, but to wait on Him. So I have tried. For almost the last 10 years. I don’t seek out relationships, but wait for God to open doors and put people in front of me. Because of this policy, I don’t date much. I know people have opinions on this, but it’s between God and me. And I believe that it is right for me. But that doesn’t make it easy.  There are days I want to go searching and do it “by myself” and get to the next chapter in my life. But that isn’t His plan for me. If I skip the end of this chapter, I will miss all kinds of wonderfulness. And I will miss the natural growth He has planned for me. I will get hurt, unnecessarily.  (Don’t get me wrong- I know taking risks and getting hurt are a part of life, and I am not afraid of them. I am talking about thinking my plan is greater than God’s, which it never will be.)

                Even though they don’t like my answers all the time, my students trust me. They trust me to be there for them and catch them if they fall, and they trust that I will not set them up for failure or injury. So if I say “you’re not ready”, they will wait.  They will probably make a face, and may cry about it later, but they will trust me, and they will wait till I say “Ok. You’re ready. The time is right. Go for it.” In the same way, I will trust God. He is far better than I am, and He will never steer me wrong. I might not like it, and it might not make sense, but I will wait. And one day, He will say “The time is right. Go for it.”

Dinosaur Roar

Dinosaur……. No, I’m not talking about my phone. (But it is one!)

 I have been thinking about dinosaurs lately, probably due to a video I watched last week discussing dinosaurs and how they fit into the earth’s history.  The video is from a Christian, Creationist perspective, and deals with the dilemma many Christians face when trying to reconcile what they see in textbooks and museums with what they know from the Bible.

“Do dinosaurs exist?” I was seriously asked that question. :) Of course dinosaurs existed. We have fossils, bones, etc.  proving that dinosaurs once walked the earth. The question is:  when and how did they exist, and how does that line up with what the Bible teaches about “all man and animals” being created on the 6^th day? That was the subject of the video, and my group had an interesting discussion as we digested the thoughts presented.

But I am not a scientist, and this is isn’t even about the scientific proofs. This is just me, thinking. So, all week I have been thinking about what the video said and how it lines up with everything else I’ve ever been taught. And I realized something: I do not need indisputable proof, and I don’t need it to all make sense.   I found the video fascinating, and was very interested in some of the things that were presented that back up what I have always believed, and some things I had never even thought about. But even if I couldn’t reconcile dinosaurs with Genesis 1, I would be ok. It has always intrigued me, and I have always wondered, but I discovered this week that it wasn’t a deal breaker.  

I know dinosaurs existed, because I see the evidence. But I know God exists because I am the evidence. And I know that what God says is true, because my life shows it. And if God says all animals and man were created in one day, the 6^th day of creation, then ok. I don’t need more. I am not saying that everyone should just blindly believe or agree with me. This is personal, and for me, I am content knowing the Creator and trusting Him. I was always one of those kids who (though I challenged my parents) was secretly content with the answer “because I told you”, because I trusted them to tell me the truth and give me the answers I needed, even if they weren’t the answers I wanted.  I am the same way with God. So, no, I may never find out for sure what things were like when T-Rex and all his buddies roamed the earth, or if they went on the ark with Noah. But it’s ok.  I can always ask in heaven, if I get around to it. :)

(Not) Enough

 

Today’s online devotional was delivered to my inbox early this morning. When I clicked on it, I was greeted with “not ________ enough.” The author talked about how often we listen to Satan’s lies that we are not whatever-enough, and it boils down to us thinking we are insufficient. I can relate, as can almost any woman or teenage girl, I would imagine. I could make a whole laundry list of things I am not “enough”:  I am not loud enough, decisive enough, tall enough,  fit enough, healthy enough, unhealthy enough (oddly enough J), normal enough, cautious enough, spontaneous enough, discreet enough, smart enough, pretty enough…… and the list goes on and on. But that thinking is wrong. It’s not about being “enough” of the things I am weakest or strongest at. It is about being strong and confident in the who I am and whose I am, and humble enough to realize that I don’t have to be “enough”.

            Matthew West says it beautifully in his song, Strong Enough:  “I know I’m not strong enough to be everything that I’m supposed to be. I give up. I’m not strong enough. Hands of mercy won’t you cover me, Lord right now I’m asking you to be strong enough (strong enough) for the both of us.” It continues with my favorite part of the song, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. And I don’t have to be strong enough.”  You could take any of the words in my list and substitute them for “strong” in those lines. We don’t have to be enough of anything, because Jesus is PLENTY. Period.  All we need is to be His.  And let me tell you, on days like today, that is enough.

Hurricane

This entry has been a year in the making. It took a lot more than I thought it would to be ready to write this. Also, it's really long. Sorry!!

August 29, 2012

        The word “hurricane” is defined several ways. There is the expected scientific answer: “a violent, tropical, cyclonic storm of the western North Atlantic, having wind speeds of or in excess of 72 miles per hour” and the definition in layman’s terms: “a storm of the most intensive severity”. But there are also alternate definitions: “anything suggesting a violent storm” and “anything acting like such a wind.” The last two are my favorite. I like the reference to a violent storm because it is so applicable to life. Life is not always calm waters; sometimes we get caught in the storms of life just like we can get caught in physical storms. I also found myself captivated by “anything acting like such a wind.” It refers to a strong wind, a force you cannot see, but can feel powerfully, that moves and changes things in its path.

        All eyes this week have been turned to news and weather stations as we watch a tropical storm gather and become a hurricane. As expected, the news stations also run stories on past hurricanes to remind us of what has happened and what is possible. Throughout history, there have been several famous tornadoes, all given human names. If you say “Andrew” or “Katrina” or “Isaac” (this week at least – time will tell), images and memories are instantly conjured of homes without roofs, devastation to buildings and land, water-covered cities, and people being helicoptered out of flooded areas. You see the evidence of the storm, of the wind and rain. You remember what it caused. You can add “Irene” to that list of memory-joggers. Hurricane Irene hit the East Coast of the US in 2011, a year and a week ago. It was terrible, though not quite as destructive as Andrew and Katrina. Irene caused a lot of damage to a long stretch of coast, and is regarded as the fifth-costliest hurricane to hit the US.

        I don’t remember much about the damage Hurricane Irene caused. When I think back to that week, I have much different memories. Hurricane Irene had begun to wreak havoc through the Caribbean, but on August 23, 2011 she began to weaken. It was temporary, though, and on August 24, the storm strengthened and headed for the US. That’s about all I remember, because on August 24, 2011, I got a phone call telling me that another powerful force, my grandmother Irene Cannon, had left this earth and gone to be with God. Listening to the radio was hard that week, as the weather and news people reported on Irene’s whereabouts and work, and as they cautioned people to take shelter. My family all headed to a shelter of sorts as well – my grandmother’s house in West Virginia, to grieve with the rest of the family and say good-bye. I remember thinking I was handling it all ok, and was driving home from church or work on that Wednesday or Thursday, and then out of nowhere, the radio breaks in to report on the storm. The announcer said something (I don’t remember what) about Irene and what was happening. At the sound of my grandmother’s name, I just lost it. It is a good thing I was almost home because I started bawling as I drove in the pouring rain. I remember thinking how cruel it was that we had constant reminders of Nana every time we turned on the tv or radio that week. But then I got to thinking, and realized something. My grandmother was rather like a hurricane in her own right. She was a strong force, that often you didn’t see, but you always felt, who changed the things and people in her path. She moved quickly (though not physically) and changed path as she felt like it. She, like her stormy namesake, made a marked difference on a wide area, and left many people stunned when she was gone.

        As we traveled up to Grant Town, WV from Nashville, we traveled alongside trucks and workers headed to assist in the clean-up. We remarked how strange it was that we were headed toward the storm instead of staying in our safe little land-locked southern state. Once we arrived, we saw a similar pack of workers who swept in to assist with the after-math of our own private hurricane. People whose names I don’t remember or maybe never knew prepared meals, cleaned up, and forced my aunt to eat. People who came to check on us and make sure we had what we needed. It was our own little emergency response agency. They were there because they too had been touched by Irene (Nana) and missed her presence as well, and all they knew to do was make sure we all were ok.

        We lived a version of Hurricane Irene personally last year. And now as the country watches Hurricane Isaac, I sit on the sidelines as people I mostly don’t know live in the middle of a similar storm. A very godly woman who I never met went home to the Lord yesterday. I was privileged to hear about her testimony from others and to read her and her sister’s (I think!) blog entries about God’s faithfulness and their commitment to praise Him in the face of a horrifying cancer diagnosis and fight. I read yesterday that Sara didn’t want people to say she had “lost her battle with cancer” but rather she had won her battle, and now lived with her Savior. I thought that was so beautiful. I have also been encouraged by all the Facebook and blog posts about how this young wife and mother inspired people to be more godly, loving Christians, and to “savor the day.” I found it interesting that Isaac achieved hurricane status the same day Sara received the greatest reward we can hope for – the beginning of eternity with God.

 I read in a blog/journal post that it was not coincidence that Sara left this earth on 8-28, and that her nephew was memorizing Romans 8:28 this month. I agree, and for the most part, I don’t believe in coincidence. I think that when things look almost like they were designed that way, they actually were, not by human hands, but by the Creator himself. God knows how our brains work, and He knows what will get our attention. I believe wholeheartedly that He “works all things together for good” and that He has a perfect plan. I do not think it was coincidence that I read that first blog post from Sara that someone had shared on Facebook months ago. I don’t think it was a coincidence that I read her sister’s post mentioning the 8-28 thing right after I read a weather report on Isaac. I don’t think it is a coincidence that there is another hurricane with an “I” name almost exactly a year after Irene, which shared my grandmother’s name.

God knows what He is doing, even when we don’t have a clue. He has a plan, and He will take care of us. All we have to do is love and trust Him. He will send the people and events into our lives that we need just at the right moment.  He already sent Jesus, His own son, at just the right moment to save us all for eternity. Who could ask for more than that?