I don’t consider myself to have a spectacular story. I had a
pretty good childhood. I have two wonderful parents, three siblings that I
(usually) got along with, was blessed to be raised in the Church, and never
felt unloved, unwanted, or unsupported. And I am genuinely grateful for my
beginnings. But I have often felt like it gives me a boring testimony. “I was a
good kid, who made good grades and good choices, always loved Jesus, and went
to church since the day I was born.” That is not an exciting story. In fact, I
have often struggled when talking or reading about being changed by Jesus,
because I don’t have a “Saul/Paul” story, or anything exciting like that. I
have had trouble seeing the change that Jesus made in my life. I knew I was
different than others – that is easy to see. But I never was able to point to
that defining moment where my life changed course, because it didn't seem to
change course.
Then, this
week I was talking at school to a teacher about her class. I had just subbed
for her class for a half day, and was telling her about our afternoon. I
mentioned that I hadn’t really had much trouble, just a few chatty kids who
didn’t want to stop talking and listen to directions. She said that she does
have a few who like to talk, but she can relate, because she, too, was a chatty
kid. I smiled, and confessed, “I was a bossy kid.” She looked surprised, and I said, “Yes. I was
bossy and a little self righteous. I mean, I was a good kid, and did the right
thing, but I made sure others knew they weren’t doing the right thing like me.
And I’d judge them a bit.” She couldn’t believe that I had been like that as a
kid. Without even thinking about it, I responded with, “Jesus changes a person.”
Once the
words were out of my mouth, I realized it was true. Jesus had changed me. It
may not have been evident by looking at my report card or behavior records. But
He did change me. It took time, and was not an overnight thing. I came to Jesus
at eleven, right in time for tween and teen mood swings. But looking at ten
year old me versus adult me, I see it. I know people may say, “That is just
growing up.” And yes, to a point, it may be. But I know plenty of adults who
still act and think the way I did at ten. It’s like my viewpoint is different
now. I hope I am less judge-y, and I try to be more thoughtful, kinder, and
less bossy. While I still try to be a “good girl” and do the right thing, my
motivation is different. As a kid, I wanted to do the right thing so I wouldn’t
disappoint my parents, and so I would be better than the other kids. There was
a time I took pride in being called a goody two shoes. (And there was a time it
made me cry.) Now, I want to show people what being a Christ follower is about,
and making my Father look good and be happy.
Now, don’t
get me wrong. I am not perfect, and I don’t have it all figured out. But I was
finally able to see the difference.
Almost twenty years later. I just hope that in twenty more years, I can see an
even bigger difference between 2013’s Me and 2033’s Me. Now that’ll be a story.
J
