Oops... I messed up again

I did something dumb the other day. What it was isn’t important. Just something unwise, and sure enough, it came back to haunt me.  So now I am dealing with cleaning it up, which is always fun. L The other day, when it all blew up, I got fussed at, and I apologized. And then I waited for the further backlash I was sure would come. But it didn’t. I expected to get berated for it again the next day, but I didn’t. Everything was going fine until another mistake was made. This one wasn’t a big deal at all: I left something off a form I filled out. It was caught immediately, and was easy to fix. But it was treated like a big deal. Judging by the tone of voice used on me, you would have thought I gave away state secrets or something. And ever since then, every imperfect thing I have done has been treated seriously, and I’ve been blamed for things that I never even dealt with. Today, I finally couldn’t take it, and after (another) stern reminder, I started crying. I can’t help it – it’s my default. I am stressed, I am weary, and I am imperfect. So I cried. Just a few tears, but I was seen. “It’s nothing to get upset over. Just be very careful from here on out,” I was told. But it was something to get upset over, at least for me.  For three days, I’ve been reminded every time I do something less than perfect, which is a lot. But more than that, it’s almost like people have been watching me with narrowed eyes, looking for the moments I err, so they can call me on it.  How does that help? Honestly? It doesn’t. It just makes it worse, puts me on edge, and causes me to second-guess every word out of my mouth.

                You know, I got really upset over those people’s actions this week. But the worst part: I do that to myself, too. I notice a slip, and then start staring at my life with narrowed eyes, waiting for the next mess-up, which inevitably comes. That is no way to live. We make tons of mistakes, errors, and poor choices daily. We’ll only make ourselves crazy and afraid if we constantly yell at ourselves and others. I am so glad that God doesn’t do that! He removes my transgressions, “as far as the East is from the West.” Praise the Lord!!! His grace is sufficient. Now to extend that grace to myself, and the people around me, even if they don’t extend it back.  Have a “grace-full” week!

Family (and Friends)

             So, it is the Holiday Season. You hear a lot about spending time with family and friends. That phrase: “Family and Friends” is a bit of an inside joke around our house. J The joke goes that all Friends are family, so it is a rather redundant phrase for us. Now, it is a play on words, but it also reflects our attitude towards those closest to us. There are 6 of us in the immediate family, but our true family is much larger, stretching beyond the traditional extended family of grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, to include several Aunts and Uncles, brothers and sisters of no blood-relation or official adoption. To this day, I still refer to them as Aunt Bonnie, Uncle Steve, Uncle Freddy, etc. and sign texts and cards to others “Love you sis!”

                They truly are family to me. With that comes a support system, unconditional love, and a network of people who care and that I can trust. I have been blessed with a wonderful family in all aspects, and maybe that’s why we so readily welcome others into the family. When you have a good thing, you want (or should want) to share it.  Most of the credit goes to my mom, who has always “taken in strays.” But in reality, she chooses people to incorporate into our family.  But just like being born into a family, once you are in, you are a part of it.   “Uncle Freddy” jokes that he was invited to come hang out with us 20 years ago, and said “Sure, why not?” He just never expected to be “adopted” and never let go. J He has been at almost every birthday, graduation, dance recital, and Christmas for the last 20 years, and hopefully for the next 20 +.

 There is a line in Lilo and Stitch that I absolutely love: “'Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten.” You will never be given up on. That is how my family is, whether you were born into it, adopted into it, or unofficially added.

                I hope you have a family like that this holiday season. If you don’t, you are more than welcome to join ours! J

All I Want For Christmas

                I love Christmas music. I love all the old classics, the hymns, and the “poppier” songs about the season, though they are a bit of a guilty pleasure. My favorite guilty pleasure Christmas song is All I Want for Christmas (is you). It never fails to bring an impish grin and giggle to my face. I don’t know why. I just like it. There are many, many other similar songs. In fact, we seem to be inundated with secular love songs at Christmas - all holiday-themed of course, but still they are love songs.  Most deal with a want – usually a person, whether a current love, or a future or past one.  What is it about Christmas that makes us want a man? Yesterday the lyrics of one such song struck me particularly hard: ““Tell me my true love is here. He’s all I want, just for me, underneath my Christmas tree.” It got me to thinking, especially the “my true love” and “all I want” part. While I would like a special guy sometime, it’s not all I want. And as for the true love part, I already know Him. His name is Jesus Christ, and the upcoming holiday was named after Him. He loves me more than I can imagine, and provides everything I need. I don’t need to wish for something or someone to appear under a tree.  He’s already here. He arrived over 2,000 years ago in a stable on the other side of the world.

                I guess it is appropriate that we hear love songs at Christmas, because that’s what Christmas is all about.  Love.  When you think about it, most Christmas songs are about love. Either wanting love (the secular pop songs) or having already found it (Christmas hymns). While I enjoy the pop ones for fun, I truly love the others more, because they remind me about what is important. Not having a cute guy waiting under mistletoe or a laptop wrapped under a tree, but true Love. Family, friends, and Jesus. You can’t get much better than that. J

                No matter how you celebrate this season, I hope you truly have a merry Christmas, and that you are able to bask in love the Father has for you. He sent you the best present ever! Enjoy it!

Martha Martha Martha

            I have no idea whether Martha or Mary was older. But I always have imagined Martha as the big sister, and Mary as younger. Since I am a self-confessed “Martha”, I usually see things from her perspective, and haven’t given much thought to how it all looked to Mary. Bear in mind how Martha is in my imagination. (Check out my posts Confessions of a Martha from September and the more recent Mare-eeeee! for a peek into my mental picture.) So with a (presumably) big sister like that, how would Mary think? I’m not sure, but I would imagine she’d be pretty tired of being nagged by Martha to help. I picture an image of Martha wiping her hands and hollering, and Mary turning her head and rolling her eyes, as if to say “Here we go again.” Again, I am speculating. But I get the impression that Martha is usually touted as being responsible, and therefore right. So Mary would be very “over it” by now.

                I love The Brady Bunch. It was a great show. (If you’ve never seen it, go watch it.) I love the interactions between the siblings. Sometimes they get along unrealistically well, but sometimes they act more like real brothers and sisters. Especially Jan. Admittedly, I view it from an oldest sister perspective, but I’ve always thought they wrote her very believably as a middle daughter. I love the episode where she is so over people saying how great Marcia is, and she explodes, “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!”  

                Similarly, I can see Mary being annoyed with her sister. So I would imagine she loved it when Jesus reprimanded her “perfect” big sister. I can see a smug little look as Mary thinks, “See Martha? You’re not always right. I did the better thing here.” And I’m not discounting that she did the better thing there. (Go read “Mare-eee!” if you haven’t.) But the big sister in me screams for justice, and then balance, which I don’t see in Mary. Yes, Mary, you focused on Jesus, which is always the better thing. But if you always leave Martha with the brunt of the work, she will always see you as Lazy Mary, even when you are doing the better thing. We all need balance in our life.

 Things need to get done (Martha), but we also need to take a break from the to-do list and stop and acknowledge the more important things in life (Mary). I think that was Jesus’ point. But taking a break is only effective if the to-do list exists and is followed. So to all the Marys out there: We Marthas are glad you have your priorities straight. But please help with the other stuff, too, so we can more easily notice the difference between the important things and just not helping.

                Ok, I am done. Rant over. Whether you are a Mary or a Martha, I hope you find peace and balance in the craziness of the Holiday season. And of course, don’t forget to focus on the important things while that never-ending to-do list gets checked off!

 Merry Christmas!

Mare-eeee!

As I’ve confessed earlier, my view of Mary and Martha is probably tainted slightly by my Martha-like personality. I’ve always pictured Martha as a very with-it, organized, color-coded type of girl who talks like I do, and is basically me in early AD clothing. And I wonder if the Mary of my mind has been similarly influenced by my sisters. (I have two.) Now, my sisters are great. They are hard-working, sweet girls who are my best friends in the world. But, as is common with siblings, we see things differently from time to time. My idea of an urgent project or need is different from theirs. When I am on a cooking or cleaning bent, I want it done right then, and they don’t always share my urgency. Whatever productive or noble pursuit they are engaged in is clearly (to me, at that moment) not as important as dinner, or the dishes, or whatever I want their help with. J So I holler (in a slightly irritated tone), “Bonn-eeee! Beck-eeeee!” to hurry them to my aid. In my mind’s eye, Martha’s in the same boat. She’s slaving away, convinced her sister is too busy, lazy, etc to do to the things that need to be done. Since Martha and I are so similar, I have seen Mary that way, too. Not just on the day Jesus came, but all the time. I have seen Mary as a girl who sits and chills while her sister does all the work.  I see Martha coming out of the kitchen on a daily basis, wiping her hands on her apron, hollering “Mare-eeee!!!” while Mary sits and daydreams, oblivious to the mountains of work waiting.

Have I been fair to Mary? Was she really that bad?

Probably not. We only see snippets of Martha and Mary’s life. We don’t know how they interacted with each other most of the time. They are only described a handful of times in the Bible. The first is the famous scene where Martha tattles to Jesus in Luke 10. The second is when their brother Lazarus dies (John 11), and a third is shortly after that, in John 12. In John 12, we see a scene where Jesus has joined his friends Mary, Martha, and Lazarus for a special dinner, at some point after Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead.  (It is possible this may be the same dinner described in Luke 10, but stay with me.)  NIV reads: “Martha served, while Lazarus was among those reclining at the table with him.” (John 12:2 b) We see Mary in the next verse, “Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.” I find it interesting that here we are told more about Mary and less about Martha, but it is still mentioned that Martha was doing the work. Now, she may not be doing all the work, but that is the way I have always read it.  Then Jesus proceeds to (again) tell everyone how Mary has her priorities right, but this time he is preaching to the disciples instead of Martha.

            So there is no resolution to how Mary acts in relationship to her sister, but we do have at least 2 accounts of Mary doing the “better” thing of listening to and honoring Jesus, while Martha works. As I’ve said before, doing the work is not bad, but it’s about balance. And to this “Martha”, neither Martha nor Mary is shown with much balance. So, while I will continue to work on my Martha-like tendencies, I will still hear a nice, clear, and loud “MARE-EEEEEEEE!” in my imagination. And in my opinion (except for the instances Jesus was involved) it would be warranted. J