I went to church camp this summer as a counselor. I loved how I got to see how God was working in the girls' lives during that week. They had such insight into what God had been teaching them over the summer. As
usual, God had lessons to teach me too, even though as staff, I was there to work and
teach and serve. Sometimes He teaches the best lessons when we are not
expecting to be the student or target audience. I have noticed a theme in the
lessons He has taught me over the last few years at camp.
Two years ago, we did
something new – the Jesus walk. It was on the same path as the “Stroll Around
the Lake” or the “PDA Hike” as it is commonly known. It was a really cool
spiritual experience, but there was a moment when I got very lonely. I was
challenging God on my single status, and why He hadn’t brought anyone into my
life. I was 27, very single with no prospects, and lonely. Well, I realized
something that night, walking the same path (though going backward) that many
girls walk to hold hands with boys (“PDA Hike”): I wanted a hand to hold. I
wanted to not be alone in life. So as I walked behind my girls, who were all
holding hands and crying on each other’s shoulders (all for different reasons,
I am sure, and I may never learn the reasons), I prayed for God to send me a
hand to hold as I walked. I meant through life, preferably in the form of an
attractive 20-something man. But God chose to answer that prayer differently.
Right then, one of my girls turned back to look at me, and dropped the
hand of the girl next to her to motion me to join them. So, sandwiched between
two teenage girls, God gave me the hand I had prayed for.
Last
year on the walk, He reminded me that He will always provide what I need.
Whether it is a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, or any other provision. The
Jesus Walk was held on Wednesday night last year. Earlier that day, my insulin
pump had broken and I had to go to “manual” which means I had to switch to
shots, using my normal insulin Novolog only for meals and corrections, and
taking a long-acting one, Lantus once a day. I had only had to go to manual a
couple times since getting my pump in 2004, and therefore I forgot to pack my
Lantus. I was able to get ahold of my mom and she was able to arrange to get my
insulin from my house and pass it off to someone who was coming up
Wednesday night. At the last station on
the Jesus walk, we are always given candles and told to “light the world” as we
cross the bridge to the gathering place by the lake, at the foot of the cross.
At the last station on this night (last year – 2011), I was greeted not only
with my candle, but also a cooler containing my insulin. It came right in time,
and I was able to take the injection at just the right amount of time after
dinner. God is good, and He has it all under control. A hard lesson for someone
like me who tries to keep it all together and have it under control by myself.
So, now this
year. We took a different path for the Jesus Walk , and it had a different
spiritual focus. I loved it! And I realized anew that God will put us in the
places we need to be at the times we are needed. For some of the walk I was
with some of my girls, and for some of it, I was with others, and for the walk
down the road to the cross, holding a candle, I was alone. I wasn’t even sure
if there were people behind me at moments. But at my loneliest, someone came up
behind me. I still have no idea who it was – it doesn’t matter. What matters is
that I walked with God, and yes, I was physically alone for a while, but it is ok. God
will send people in my path when I need them, and He will put me in the path of
others when they need it. I just pray that I will be paying attention when it
is time to step out, and that I will not let fear rule my life. And, I do truly
believe that He will send that attractive man when the time is right. And in the
meantime, I will do my best to be ok with it. :)
More
than anything, during the week of ABC, God just drove home the lesson he has
been teaching me all summer: trust Him. I always think I trust Him, but then my
actions or worries prove that I don’t, at least not as fully as I think I do.
Last year one of our memory verses at camp was Proverbs 19: 21 “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.” It really hit
home with me, because I am such a planner. And I love the way it complements my
all-time favorite verse of Jeremiah 29:11. For the whole last year, I have
carried around those two verses, and listened (or tried to) as God taught me
how to plan my life (as is necessary) but not bank on my own plans. Then this summer I came across the Jeremiah
passage in The Message: “I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans
to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope
for.” In other words – stop worrying and trust Me! How I needed to hear that
lately. So underemployed or overemployed, single or dateless, no matter how old
the calendar says I am, I am going to trust Him. His plans are far better than
mine, and I know he hears the desires of my heart, and will grant me what I
need. I only need to work on being content with what I have and where I am now, and listen for my cues to change
paths, move over, or let someone join me. Easier said than done.
